I'm A Marxist

Nidhu Bhusan Das


I’m a Marxist.
Is it?
Very much.
Where’s your beard?
Is it necessary to have a beard to be a Marxist?
Marx’s bearded. I’ve seen his photo.
Karat, Yechuri, Bhattacharyya, Bose, Konar et al are not bearded, yet Marxists.
You see, they have scored good marks, and you know to-day marks are marx as pictures are pix.So, they are Marxists.
What do you mean?
Karat and Yechuri are JNU alumni, Bhattacharyya’s alma mater is Presidency College, Kolkata.Besides, and he’s two times Chief Minister and long serving state Home Minister. Bhattacharyya, Bose and Konar are superb in letting out streams of invectives against the opposition. Have you heard them speak?
Yes, they declaim and gesture like protagonists in an Elizabethan Revenge Play and win the claps of the neo-proletariats. This is their score.
Who are neo-proletariats?
Oh! You don’t know? Well, they are red capitalists, their henchmen.Anti-Marxists or reactionaries call the henchmen lumpen proletariat. They play a glorious role in keeping the Marxists in power. They are sharp shooters, can make and use bombs. They are an important feature of a ruling Marxist procession and meeting. They are expert in impersonating, booth jamming and rigging polls. They can keep the voters indoors, spare the people of the trouble of coming to the polling booths. All the votes of such people go in favour of Marxists candidates. At least the opposition has such allegations.
The opposition is reactionary.
So, the Chief Minister Bhattacharyya and Chairman Bose call the lady at the head of the opposition a liar and the oppositoion led by her indisciplined and trouble-monger.
Is it true the lady was once mortally wounded by a Marxist street fighter? His name’s Alam?
It’s correct and also right in all senses. Let me clarify. She was in the right against the left led by the Marxists and it was right for the left to try to annihilate her. Also, in the Marxist dispensation Marxists street fighters are allowed the right to do so. In such cases, the constitutional right to life is suspended. No case is filed for such attack.

Well, I am enlightened. Now what will the Marxists do to face the Assembly polls in
2011? Do they believe a change is on the card, as the lady in the opposition claims?

Marxists believe only in Marxism, nothing short of it. Marxism thrives only when the party is in power. So, they will try to retain power. Marxists could be Machiavellians to accept that the end determines the means.

You’re a Marxist because you understand the Marxists.

You’re correct. I know the Marxists around me and their modus operendi.I don’t know what is there in the Das Capital and the Communist Manifesto.That doesn’t matter.